Homosexual Catholic priests are, apparently, relatively common, but any kind of open expression of homosexual orientation by the ordained is of course forbidden. Priest explores this fascinating constriction in the most boring, lame way imaginable, junking all the interesting possible discussions in favour of confession booth soap operatics and, you guessed it, a sexually abused helpless teenage girl. Where we could have had an exploration of how homosexuality and religion can come together, and the areas where they can never meet, we get the usual group hug about learning to accept each other and embrace all and sundry regardless of context. A top cast - many of whom went on to make the excellent The Full Monty - is also wasted, and the earnest, self-important tone of the film cancels out every scrap of much-needed humour, irony and surprise.

Linus Roache plays the young but very conservative Father Greg Pilkington, new to a working class diocese and loaded up with fresh ideas and inner conflict. He boards with Father Matthew Thomas (Tom Wilkinson) and housekeeper/Father Thomas’ secret lover, Maria (Cathy Tyson). Local girl Lisa (Christine Tremarco) is being molested by her father (Robert Pugh) but as Father Pilkington hears all about it in the confessional, he’s unable to alert the authorities, or even Lisa’s mother.

He has more trouble on his plate when he cycles into the local gay bar one night and meets Graham (Robert Carlyle) who he tries to resist, but quickly falls in love with. Busted making out in their car, Father Pilkington and Graham are arrested and the case makes the front pages of all the tabloids and – oh God! – you can imagine the reaction of the Bishop and the parishioners.

But to ensure our support, director Antonia Bird and writer Jimmy McGovern have loaded their cannons against the evil forces of homophobia with young Lisa and her creepy, irredeemable (heterosexual) father. Several scenes labour the point that Father Thomas’ illicit relationship with Maria is accepted by Church and town because they’re opposite sex lovers. How can the straight parishioners cast a stone against gay Father Pilkington when they – and even other pastors - are soaked in sin? Oh, the hypocrisy of it all!

However, placing heterosexual child abuse in the front part of the narrative to create a diversion from the potentially contentious homosexual base of the plot is just so dumb, and completely hypocritical too – is this ostensibly pro-gay film saying that homosexuals should be tolerated as at least they don’t abuse their daughters, like some of those terrible heterosexuals do? It’s a very weak, lazy and ineffective way to make a point – very much the “your mother’s ugly/not as ugly as yours” school-playground level style of argument.

So the second half of the film collapses into doleful, angst ridden moments in the empty church at night (Father Pilkington asks of a statue of Christ “what would you do if you were here?”, “What do you want of me” and so on) and on the street, as Lisa slouches around with her haunted, tear-stretched eyes dutifully holding her town-favourite father’s despicable hand.

We see nothing at all of the gay relationship beyond the fact that they are “in love” and are “prevented” from being together by prejudice and outdated Church dogma. Later scenes, involving Father Pilkington’s unsuccessful return to the pulpit, demonstrate that some things just don’t gel with the job of preacher – active homosexuality is, for better or for worse – one of them. The film can’t grapple with this idea because it’s too busy grinding its “let he who is without sin” axe and rushing away from developing its central character, an empty vessel who’s abandoned by everything, even his own movie.